Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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