They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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