i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
