Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My ATM looks so different sober.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
