my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
