took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
