I got her a Nickelback box set.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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