I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
