Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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