At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
