had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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