I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
