I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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