So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
