Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I understand Curling. That high.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
