Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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