she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Randomize
