umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
