my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
