we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
