i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
