ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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