well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
