Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
