you didnt know i had herpes?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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