my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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