Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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