Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
