It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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