But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
