She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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