Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
