turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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