I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
