Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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