Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
