I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
