whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
