I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
