i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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