Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
