So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
