I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
