i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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