Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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