We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
