I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
