I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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