its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I AM VODKA MAN
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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