she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
How's work?
Spinning.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
