Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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