I cockslap morals
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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