i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
