I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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