I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
