Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
