Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize