chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
