There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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