You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
