i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
