You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
