thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm passing your future prison.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
