It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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