I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
