bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
