I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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