"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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