True but thats because hes a fetus.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
